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Friday, December 18, 2009

Family Christmas Newsletter..... sort of

So every year I get these newsletters from people telling about all the wonderful things that have happened to them this year. With my tongue firmly planted in my cheek.... here's ours. Enjoy!


Greetings from NorthRidgeTucky! It's been another year of wonderful happenings at our home!

As many of you know, Joe-Bob and I celebrated our 22 wedding anniversary this past Spring. Who knew all those years ago when he knocked me up that we would still be together today! I guess having all those kids and trapping him so that he couldn't afford the child support payments really helped to keep him at home!

And speaking of the little darlings.... Whew! Another year and none of them are knocked up. I know! I can't even believe it either! But, Joe-Bob and I do keep a strict count on the tampons each month and they are all four going through them at the proper times. Woo Hoo!

Our oldest, Kellie-Mae, is in her last year of college. She managed to get through this year without getting arrested. I can't even remember the last time I had to go post bail. And the thank you card we got from the local cops was just precious. Apparently they appreciate the fact that she hasn't caused any of them to be unable to have children this year. (I do hope Officer Gilroy heals soon, but is has been two years after all, so there may not be much hope of that.)

Next in line is Kandie-Kay. After dropping out of high school we really worried about her, but she's doing really well at "Roxanne's Club for Men." She's moved up to be the Feature Pole Spinner on Saturday night and the convention season was really good to her. The manager tells me that she has a real future there, and that she is the best pole polisher he's ever seen! Her stage name is "Kitty Litter" and they are talking about a statewide tour so if you see her coming to your town, be sure to catch the show!

Kimmie-Sue just graduated from Rehab. She was in the honors program, the fast-track, that they reserve for people who not only use drugs but also sell them. She's only been home a few days, but so far it's been nice. We are working out a program with the dentist to replace some of her teeth but she says she likes not having any in the front. Eh. Go figure. She'll have to find a new line of work, but maybe one of her friends down under the bridge can help with that.

Lastly, there's Kristie-Lee. Her new boyfriend, Thug, is real sweet. The tattoo's don't bother me too much, but Joe-Bob doesn't like the piercings. Kristie-Lee says the spikes in his chin just add to her pleasure, so who am I to argue?

Lt. Dan, our three-legged cat, is also doing well. He doesn't meow much these days, but he still likes to fight with the dog. Why, just the other day I saw him swinging his shoulder and swatting at the dog like he still had a leg there...... ha ha. Just cracks me up thinking about it.

Well, that's about it for now. Hope you and yours are all doing fine. We've got nothing but love going on here at the trailer park. It's so much nicer than when we were living in the station wagon!

Kisses and Smooches,
The Farclaster Family

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